My favorite brother...

My mom told me yesterday that Luke crossed off the word cancer form his MD Anderson Cancer Hospital patient admission bracelet. When he was asked why he did it his response was "Because Cancer is not an option". I wanted to share a little with you guys about my experience with Bud (as we call him) over the last couple weeks.

When i was in the hospital room in Miami with Luke after the doctor told me of his diagnosis my thoughts were the same as most older sisters- why him? why the baby boy? why not me?. I think the answer to those questions is seen in his reason for scratching off the word cancer from his bracelet. Because to Luke cancer is not an option and I dont know that I, or any of us for that matter, would have that response. (Luke will be utterly disgusted with my grammar in this paragraph)

I will never forget Luke's face and response when I pulled up a chair next to his hospital bed in Miami to wake him up and tell him what the doctors had told me. I had tried so hard to pull it together but despite my efforts tears were cascading down my face as i looked at him sleeping peacefully knowing that this ugly malignancy had invaded his body. Luke rolled over in bed to find me sitting there with a pathetic smile and telling him that we needed to talk. I think he kinda knew right away as i had spent the last couple days (being the nurse I am) being brutally honest with him about the potential seriousness of the situation and what the possibilities were. I had even been trying to convince the doctors of his need for a bone marrow aspiration which after 4 days of no diagnosis I think Luke had started warming up to the idea as long as it provided some answers. As i explained to Luke what the tests had shown he was quiet and i asked him what was going through his mind his response was this..." Well Kendall, at least we know what the hell it is and now we can get the hell out of this damn place and fight it." He was so matter of fact, like cancer was not an option.

I cannot even begin to tell you all how proud of my baby brother I am. He has shown more courage and strength in the last 2 weeks (Although I am not sure if it has taken more courage to spend the 4 days straight in Miami with me at his bedside or to fight the cancer) than i could muster for one day. It has been the most difficult thing in the world for me to come back to Denver and continue my life here because I feel like my heart is in Houston and that is where i want to be every second of every day. I know for Luke's sanity I need to be here-this way he has one mom instead of 2 or with all the girls home 4.

Thanks so much for all of your support and love, you guys have been amazing. I just wanted to give you guys an idea of what leukemia is up against...a headstrong 19 year old who has no other option but to get back to Miami next year after kicking cancer ass!